What not to say to your kids

Posted on November 2, 2010


 There are times that I have been so tempted just to say something because in all fairness children are gullible but it would be too cruel.  I do find them amusing (the thoughts not the children, although some are quite amusing) so I thought I would share.  This is just a short extract of the things that I’ve been tempted to say but never really would and the things that I know from the minute I utter them, I need to rewind and shove a sock in my mouth as he will do just the opposite:

  • Christmas is cancelled, Father Christmas took a vacation
  • The Easter Bunny doesn’t have eggs because he is not a chicken
  • The tooth fairy is really a dentist, are you sure you want to give your teeth up?
  • The bin is a garbage monster, he loves your rubbish
  • The fuse has blown so the electricity is out until morning
  • The trial period on the Internet has run out
  • Don’t touch that it’s wet
  • Sit there for one minute
  • There are people talking, so please be quiet
  • Turn your light off please
  • Tie your shoe laces
  • Put that away

There are also things my son has said to me that have left me lost for words or laughing my head off:

  • In response to “God, help me” God won’t help you, look what he’s done to the planet
  • In response to “Yes hunni, Chocolate comes from Cocoa Beans” Chocolate is made from beans? Why don’t I fart when I eat it?
  • In response to “Tidy your room” Have you seen yours?
  • In response to “We could walk today” Why is the car broken?
  • In response to “I’m on the phone” well you better jump off it before you break it  
  • In response to “Your shirt buttons aren’t done up right” It’s designed that way
  • In response to “Have you cleaned your teeth” well they’ve had a short brush
  • In response to “Can you eat a bit more please” I really want to but the stomach says No
  • In response to “Do I look like the bank of England” Only on Monday to Saturday
  • In response to “Have you done your homework” only if you don’t want to check it
  • In response to “You’re going to be late for school” Why? when I’m never leaving home anyway
  • In response to “Why are your dirty clothes not in the linen basket” it’s my artistic licence I’m creating here
  • In response to “Don’t put so much sugar on your cereal” Sugar is a plant, therefore it counts as a vegetable

I would love to keep listing them but I also figure that they are probably only amusing to me.  Also as a sub point, for the person who thought the Little White Lies my Mother told me post was a tragedy to my childhood, this is just a little humourous post so don’t take it too seriously, my son doesn’t disobey everything I say and yes he has his cheeky moments but that’s his character and personality and just because its listed here doesn’t mean he does it on a daily basis, if you read my Things you should know  post you will see how much he means to me.  

If you’ve got a funny statement you heard from your kids or someone elses, I would love to hear it so please leave your comments here.