I’ve Lost Enough Hair I Could Knit My Own Bed Cover!

Posted on November 2, 2010


When I was younger I thought hair loss was only ever something that men had to deal with, I also know that I have an aversion to extremely pale bald men.  I’m sorry, I mean no offence but you remind me of Riff Raff in Rocky Horror and personally I don’t find it sexy.  In fact I think there’s nothing worse than a greasy shiny oversized forehead peering at you.   Whoa! Step out of the sunlight Mister, you are blinding me! 

However, it’s not true, it doesn’t just affect men!

Wait hold the phone!

I hear you “What you’re kidding! Baldness isn’t a man disease like having a beard, or the ability to release gas at every moment.  What is the world coming to?”

Having suffered from a form of non-permanent alopecia after I had my son I know how hard it is to deal with losing your hair, especially at the time when I wasn’t sure if it would grow back, thankfully it did.  It wasn’t like it all just fell out either, I had bald patches which looked terrible and several attempts at badly placed combovers to try and hide them, made no difference and so my harshness towards the woes of balding men, softened.

I decided that looking at it just made me feel even more exasperated and desperate so I took the plunge and had the hairdresser cut it into a short crop, it was quite a feat for me as it was way past my shoulders but when I woke up in the morning I wasn’t so devastated by the clumps of long hair all over my pillow but I was devastated that I looked like I could give Julie Andrews a run for her music, ‘The Hills are Alive’ yes but with my hair.

My problem, well it’s not so much a problem until the plug blocks and then you can just call me ‘Mario’ as I am now a fully fledge sink unblocker, armed with plunger and bleach I can unblock a sink quicker than I can lose hair and that’s saying something!

I still regularly lose quite a lot of hair, I know its normal to lose hair but for me every time I brush or wash I am pulling handfuls of hair from the brush or from the shower pan and even after I’ve dried my hair and gone on my way, I am still pulling endless strands of hair from my clothes.  If I hadn’t have lost so much after Samuel was born I probably wouldn’t even fret about it but every time I see loose hair I go into ‘I’m going bald’ mode, promptly panic and want to take a pair of barbers shears to anyone with a lovely set of locks. It’s at this point every woman out there is thankfully saluting the fact that I decided hairdressing wasn’t for me, otherwise I would be known as the Sweeny Todd of haircutters.

OK OK so it’s just hair, people live without it on a daily basis and there are people going through so much more than hair loss.  I think of all the people living with disabilities and long term illnesses, etc and I do appreciate that what they are going through is far more serious but this is me and today, my world revolves around me.  So I’m allowed to have a momentary loss of proportion, and allow the onslaught of mayhem and panic because so far this week (and we’re only on Tuesday) I have managed to collect a small bag of hair that I am actually considering selling to a wig makers.  I’m pretty much fed up that every time I go to eat I’m finding my hair nicely placed across the plate (ewww gross) and I could never commit a murder as I would leave a trail of forensic evidence right the way to my front door.   Maybe if I just keep on collecting it, I can knit myself a wig or better still a nice beanie hat 😛

What I have discovered is that there are some amazing facts about hair; I’m not going to quote them all as it only adds fuel to my fire that I desperately want to hang on to mine for as long as possible and I’m not intending to send anyone to sleep just yet (Oi Wake UP!) but they are actually quite interesting.  I got these facts from http://www.funshun.com/amazing-facts/hair-human-body-facts.html and http://www.beauty-hair-styles.com/15-fun-facts-about-your-hair/ did you know:

  • The cycle of hair growth happens every 28 days.  As long as my growth is quicker than my loss I should be ok, this does make me a happy bunny.
  • On average a hair strand’s life span is five and a half years, sadly in my case they commit hara-kiri within about 6 months.  Is my brain that bad that even my hair can’t stand to be next to it?
  • Ancient Egyptians used to think having facial hair was an indication of personal neglect.  I’m with the Egyptians unless it’s for a charity cause like Movember.
  • Cutting can help your hair grow longer than it could before, but it doesn’t make it grow faster. So my hairdresser’s strangle hold of you must cut your hair every 6 weeks is a lie! I shall never recover from this, well I will but my bank balance won’t.
  • Next to bone marrow, hair is the fastest growing tissue in the human body.  This is such a joy for me, it may fall out but at least I know its growing back quick too.
  • Your hair grows faster in summer than winter and faster by day than by night.  So this just confirms why I need to move to sunnier climates where it never gets dark or cold.
  • Humans have the same number of hair follicles as a chimpanzee.  That kind of explains a few things; maybe I’ve unknowingly been dating apes in the past!
  • Scientists tell us hair is as strong as aluminium, can hold one third its weight in absorbed moisture and can be stretched to one and a half times its length, when wet.  I just gained a whole new appreciation for my hair.
  • Hair will fall out faster on a person who is on a crash diet.  Well I don’t diet but this is a wakeup call if you suddenly start losing your hair and you are.  Diets are BAD, eat, drink, be merry and hairy!
  • Apparently your hair and your fingernails continue to grow after death for about two months.  I find this quite creepy, a random statement on a very funny site http://www.funnyjunksite.com/random-funny-facts/funny-but-true-facts/.  It’s not true though, it’s something to do with moisture dehydrating from the body and your body shrinking which could give the impression that they still grow. Ha I’m not just a pretty face.
  • The average human scalp has 100,000 hairs.  Redheads have approximately 90,000 hairs, people with black hair have approximately 110,000 hairs with blondes topping in at approximately 120,000.  Whoop Whoop! I have approximately an extra 10 – 30,000 hairs on my head so I really should shut up about my loss of hair.

I have also been told by my hairdresser that a good head massage can stimulate the hair follicles and promote hair growth, and on that note I’m off to massage my head into hair heaven 🙂