Just Because I’m Nice to You it Doesn’t Mean I Fancy You

Posted on October 21, 2010


I think no matter whether you are male or female a lot of us have come across the situation where you are friendly to someone and they see it for far more than it is.  How does it make you feel? Well honestly, I don’t like that someone has made assumptions based on my friendship and then decided it means so much more than it is and invariably I’m blinded to it until it’s slapped me in the face and the person is declaring their undying love and devotion and expecting it back.

I’ve always been chatty and outgoing and I am the person who will instigate a conversation with a random stranger in a queue somewhere.  It’s not because I’m nuts or seeking attention and it’s definitely not because I fancy them, ironically if I do I’m likely to not to talk to them for fear of embarrassing myself, figure that one out!  It’s just the way I am, I do like making new friends, I love finding out about them and I am genuinely interested in people as a whole.

When it comes to my friends I will always be there for them, as they are for me.  I love my friends but I’m not in love with them and I think sometimes this is where the boundaries of friendship can be crossed.   Friendship is about being open but being open can come with its downsides.  So remember  just because you have a friend that you can talk to about anything, have a laugh and obviously cares about you doesn’t mean they want to get married and have your babies.   I have lost a couple of good friends because they mistook my friendship as meaning more and I had some very awkward conversations with people because they couldn’t see it for what it is – Friendship!

I also think in this day and age, people are sceptical of friendly people; they seem to think there’s an alterior motive for being friendly to someone.  What I would like to say is just accept it for what it is, if it’s meant to be more, somewhere and somehow it will come together.  I can speak about this because I’m in love with my best friend and luckily for me he’s in love with me too, it took us a while to get there but it can happen.  In the meantime if you have a great and fantastic friendship with someone that you’ve fallen in love with be very careful that you aren’t mistaking their feelings.  If you feel you have to tell them and they don’t reciprocate the way you want to, don’t be hurt by it. 

You could lose a great friendship and life is life, sometimes people gel as friends but not as lovers because they aren’t physically and mentally attracted to them in that way.  It doesn’t mean they can no longer be friends but then you have to accept that this is a friendship and it’s not going to be anything more.  If you can’t accept that, then you have to ask yourself why were you friends in the first place?   

Did you create the friendship based on the hope that you would get something out of it?

If so then you created a friendship based on deceit and it’s definitely not the person who you are friends with that made you feel that way.  I think on some level most of us can relate to or have been in this situation, the question is do we learn by it?