I’m not listed so stop calling me

Posted on October 14, 2010


Ever have one of those moments when you’ve got 5 minutes to yourself, you just step into a luxurious bubble bath or you are just sitting down to dinner or to watch a film and your home phone rings.   You rush to answer it and the voice on the other end of the phone says:

“Hi, as a valued customer we would like to offer you the chance….”

I really hate this; I have a home phone because when I moved in I needed internet for when I worked from home.  I rarely use my home number and I’m not listed in any directory because I don’t want people ringing me on my home phone line unless it’s an emergency.  So why is it that the phone company thinks just because you are a customer they can ring you anytime they like?

To be honest I don’t mind if I have the time but I do think that a lot of companies take liberties with the information they hold about you.  I have had 3 of these calls in the last month, from the same company.  My latest conversation was a bit strange and went like this:

ME: “Hello”

Caller: “I’m **** from***** “(There’s no hello, I hope I’m not disturbing you or are you available to talk, are you the account holder?) “I’m calling about your account to tell you about our latest offers”

ME: “I’m sorry I don’t take calls about offers, my account details should state that, I was in the bath and I thought it was an urgent call.  As my service provider, you know I’m ex-directory – Right?”

Caller: “erm… Yes you are but we have your number so you aren’t”

Me: “I’m not?  I either am or I’m not ex-directory.  Please confirm my account states I only wish to be contacted by email or post?”

Caller: “erm… I’m just checking, yes it does”

Me: “So why are you calling me?”

Caller: “I’m letting you know about some new offers”

Me: “That’s not what I meant but OK, thanks but no, if you had read my account options for contact you would have known not to contact me by phone.  I thought it was an emergency that’s why I got out of the bath, but as its not I’m going, goodbye”

Caller: “Wait, so you don’t want to know about our offers”

Me: “I’m sorry was I not clear? I’m ex-directory and my number is not listed as I don’t want to be contacted by cold callers, just because I’m a customer it does not give your company the right to use my details in this way”

Caller: “Well you’re on the phone can we not just go through it?”

Me: “I’m standing here naked dripping water everywhere but of course I would love to speak to you as you’ve infringed my privacy and invaded my phone line, so I can then go fulfilled by our conversation and enjoy my cold bath”

Caller: “I prefer hot baths, they are more relaxing”

Me: “So do I!”

Caller:  “It won’t take long then you can go back to your bath”

Me: “You think I enjoy standing in my living room for the world to see me naked talking to you”

Caller: “Some people do, anyway let me just talk you through this you’ll love it”

Me: “As much as I love the scintillating conversation we are having, I’ve been quite clear that I’m not really interested”

Caller: “I don’t understand people usually bite our hands off with these offers, you should listen as you might find something you like”

Me: “I wish they would bite off your hands that way you wouldn’t be able to call me”

Caller: “Well if you don’t want to listen to the offers, which I really think you should, would you be interested in completing a satisfaction survey?”

Me: “If you send it to me, yes – I would love to complete it to tell your company what I think”

Caller “It will only take 5 minutes”

Me:  “Thank you but No and goodbye” and I hung up.

So I thought maybe I had got to the bottom of it and wouldn’t get any more calls.  How wrong was I?  Within a couple of days I got another one and I don’t know what came over me but I pretended to be an answering machine.  I cut the conversation at the beginning and the conversation went like this:

Me: “Hello”

Caller: “Hi, I’m calling…”

Me: “I’m sorry I missed your call but I’m on a mission hunting down the last cold caller who dared to ring my home.  I have to stop at the supply store for duct tape, rope and a staple gun but I won’t be long.  Be aware if you’re not leaving me a message because I’ve a) won the National Lottery Jackpot from a past ticket I bought, b) calling because you really need to speak to me because you are a friend or family member or c) just want to hear the sound of my voice, this messaging system is triggered to find your location and text it to me.  Please leave your message now…….” 

The caller hung up without leaving a message and I’ve not had one since.  Mission accomplished!  😀